Week 8 of 8 – God’s Plan for Marriage: The Foundation of Gift: A Marriage Built to Last
Week 8 of 8 – God’s Plan for Marriage: The Foundation of Gift: A Marriage Built to Last
St. John Paul II once wrote that “love is never something ready-made; it is always a task which they are set.”
In other words, real love is something we build, not something we find. It grows through choice, effort, and grace.
Over the past eight weeks, Dr. Gerard McNicholas and I have reflected together on God’s design for marriage, tracing its contours one brushstroke at a time.
This final reflection gathers those pieces into a single portrait: a love that is human and divine, fragile yet enduring, ordinary yet holy.
As this first module closes, we stand before the masterpiece God envisioned from the beginning, a covenant that mirrors His own.
I am especially grateful to Dr. Gerard for his insights and partnership throughout this series, helping illuminate how theology and psychology speak one truth about love.
The Big Picture
Marriage is a Sacrament: Christ dwells with spouses, giving them the grace to forgive, persevere, and love with tenderness.
Marriage is a Vocation: It is the ordinary path to holiness, sanctifying daily life and forming the domestic church.
The Foundation of Love: Patience, kindness, forgiveness, and respect form the bedrock of lasting love (Amoris Laetitia).
Friendship as the Core: Marriage thrives when rooted in companionship and becomes a school of virtue.
Prayer as Lifeline: Shared prayer keeps Christ at the center and deepens intimacy.
Apprenticeship in Love: Marriage is lifelong learning, not perfection, but growth.
Rightly Ordered Priorities: God first, then spouse, then children, then others, creating stability and peace.
An Integrated Perspective
Theology and psychology speak the same truth in different languages.
Theology tells us marriage is a sacrament, vocation, and path to holiness.
Psychology confirms that healthy marriages are resilient, respectful, growth-minded, rooted in friendship, and clear in priorities.
Together they offer couples both the grace and the tools to build lasting love.
“We love because He first loved us.” — 1 John 4:19
Every genuine act of love in marriage begins here, rooted in divine initiative and sustained by grace.
Q & A with Dr. Gerard – A Final Word
Kristin: As we finish up this module, we have seen marriage described as sacrament, vocation, friendship, apprenticeship, prayer, and rightly ordered priorities. From a psychological standpoint, how do you see all those pieces integrating into a coherent vision for couples?
Dr. Gerard: Love is both skill and grace. Psychology strengthens the natural foundation of marriage: Gottman’s research highlights repair and respect; Sue Johnson’s Emotionally Focused Therapy emphasizes secure bonding and attunement; the Guerneys’ Relationship Enhancement model teaches empathic listening and clear communication; and Family Systems theory shows how ordered internal and external relationships foster peace.
These are the skills that make love sustainable in daily life. Sacramental grace does not replace these natural foundations; it builds upon them. Grace does not erase nature; it elevates it, transforming ordinary acts of listening, repair, and tenderness into something holy.
Couples need both the skills to practice love faithfully and the grace to persevere in it.
Kristin: Beautiful. As we send couples forward, is there a final psychological insight or word of wisdom you would emphasize, something they can hold onto?
Dr. Gerard: I could not end without mentioning my favorite psychologist, Viktor Frankl. One final anchor is this: in the midst of imperfection, what brings meaning is love itself.
Frankl wrote:
“The salvation of man is through love and in love. I understood how a man who has nothing left in this world still may know bliss … in the contemplation of his beloved.”
In the darkness of the concentration camp, it was the memory of his wife’s face, the act of loving her in spirit, that sustained him. Even stripped of freedom, he discovered that love itself gives meaning strong enough to endure suffering.
If marriage is to be a sign of Christ’s love, then even in our flaws and struggles, what sustains us is not just technique or habit, but the reality that love itself carries us. Let grace perfect what discipline builds, forming love into a path of holiness.
Summary
God’s plan for marriage is both simple and profound: two people, united in Christ, called to holiness through daily love.
It is a sacrament of grace, a vocation of holiness, a friendship of virtue, and an apprenticeship that lasts a lifetime.
When couples embrace both the spiritual and the psychological dimensions of marriage, they discover that God’s plan is not only possible, it is deeply life-giving.
“Spouses are therefore the permanent reminder to the Church of what happened on the Cross; they are for one another and for their children witnesses of the salvation in which the sacrament makes them sharers.”
— St. John Paul II, Familiaris Consortio, no. 13In other words, every Christian marriage points back to the Cross, to the love that gives, forgives, and redeems.
Personal Reflection
When Rob and I look back on our early years, we often smile at how much we thought we understood love and how much God still had to teach us. Over time, we have learned that the grace of marriage is not about avoiding struggle but allowing God to transform it.
Through every couple I have walked with in mentorship, I see the same truth: love matures in the soil of daily fidelity. It is in the quiet moments, an apology offered, a prayer whispered, a hand held again, that the extraordinary grace of marriage takes root.
If I could tell my younger self one thing, it would be this:
God’s plan for marriage is not about perfection; it is about perseverance in love.
A Sneak Preview of What’s to Come
This eight-week series has been a preview of our new marriage-preparation program, Gift: A Marriage Built to Last, created through the CatholicPsych Institute.
In the full program, engaged and married couples journey through seven modules that integrate faith, psychology, and daily formation, learning to build the habits of love that last a lifetime.
Gift is more than a course; it is a movement of hope for couples rediscovering that God’s design for love endures.
Closing Reflection
As this first module of Gift: A Marriage Built to Last comes to a close, may every couple remember that love is not a destination but a daily invitation to give, to forgive, to grow, and to begin again.
Marriage is the canvas on which God paints His love for the world.
And when two people choose to love as He loves, the ordinary becomes holy, and the home becomes a sanctuary of grace.
Thank you for journeying with us through these eight weeks of reflection.
May the God who is Love continue to write His masterpiece through your marriage.
From the CatholicPsych Marriage Prep Program: Gift – A Marriage Built to Last
