When the Wine Runs Out: What Cana Teaches Us About Marriage

What happens when the honeymoon glow wears off? Every couple faces seasons when the “wine” runs short. Joy feels thin, energy is drained, and dreams do not quite match reality.

The Gospel story of the Wedding Feast at Cana speaks right into those moments.

The wine ran out. Mary noticed, turned to Jesus, and He worked His first miracle. The lesson is both deeply human and profoundly divine: every couple will experience insufficiency, and what matters is how we respond when the jars feel empty.

Theological Reflection

At Cana, Mary models trust: “Do whatever He tells you.” Jesus transforms water into wine, a sign of His abundant grace. In marriage, His grace does not erase the struggle, but it transforms it. Ordinary water becomes rich wine. Ordinary life becomes extraordinary. Spousal love becomes a living sign of God’s covenant.

A Conversation with Dr. Gerard McNicholas: The Psychological Perspective

I asked Dr. Gerard how this theme of “wine running out” shows up psychologically for couples today.

Kristin: In this session we talk about Cana and remind couples that every marriage will face moments when the “wine runs out.” From your perspective, what does that mean psychologically?

Dr. Gerard: One of my favorite marital researchers, Dr. John Gottman, talks about the “emotional bank account.” He found that in marriage, every positive interaction is like a deposit, and every negative interaction is like a withdrawal. His research shows that couples need at least a 5-to-1 ratio of positive to negative interactions to stay healthy. When the wine runs out, it is like the emotional bank account running dry. The 5-to-1 balance of positive to negative interactions is in the red, and there is less to draw from in the tough moments. The good news is it can be refilled, not with grand gestures, but with small acts of love.

Kristin: That makes so much sense. We often encourage couples in marriage prep to invite Christ into those empty places, to let His grace fill what feels empty. How do you see that same process playing out when couples rebuild their “account”?

Dr. Gerard: It is very similar. Emotionally, couples pause to notice what is really missing and begin making those small deposits, a kind word, a gentle touch, a small act of service. Spiritually, it is so important to invite God into those places of poverty. Couples still have to do their part, like the servants filling the jars with water, but then they must trust Him to bring the transformation. Our faith rests on this truth: it is daily fidelity, not perfection, that makes love holy.

Gottman calls this “small things often,” and the saints echo the same wisdom. St. Thérèse of Lisieux reminds us it is small things done with great love that lead to holiness.

I loved how Dr. Gerard connected this to both research and spirituality. The jars of water had to be filled by human hands, but the transformation into wine came through divine grace. That is the mystery of marriage too: our daily fidelity, joined with God’s grace, becomes something greater than we could create alone.

Takeaway: Where Faith and Psychology Meet

Cana is not just an ancient story; it is a roadmap for marriages today.

Psychology teaches us that marriages thrive on small things often, simple deposits of kindness and connection.

Faith teaches us that love becomes holy through daily fidelity, not perfection.

Together they reveal the same truth: when the wine runs out, couples grow stronger not by avoiding emptiness, but by facing it together and inviting Christ to transform it.

A marriage built to last is not made of grand gestures, but of ordinary moments, done with great love.

👉 Next week: we will explore how marriage is more than a relationship. It is a sacrament, a daily vocation to holiness.