One Healed Spouse Can Change Everything and That Spouse Might Be You
One Healed Spouse Can Change Everything and That Spouse Might Be You
July 22, 2025
Many people live in a quiet kind of heartbreak, holding it together on the outside while feeling discouraged, resentful, or alone inside their marriage.
You might find yourself thinking: “If only he would open up…” “If only she would stop shutting down…” “If only we were on the same page, maybe things could finally get better.”
But here’s a gentle truth I’ve come to believe with my whole heart:
You don’t have to wait for your spouse to be ready in order to begin healing your marriage. In fact, the change you long for might begin the moment you decide to take one step toward your own healing.
In his book You Are the One You’ve Been Waiting For, Dr. Richard Schwartz, founder of Internal Family Systems therapy, writes:
“Our partners were never meant to be our healers. That is our job—our responsibility to ourselves and to the ones we love.”
That’s not just psychology. It’s deeply spiritual.
In the Catholic tradition, we believe healing, holiness, and wholeness begin in the interior life. When we stop outsourcing peace to our spouse and begin letting God into our own wounds, the marriage itself can begin to breathe again.
One healed spouse can change the emotional climate of a marriage. And maybe, just maybe, that one person is you.
When Waiting Keeps Us Stuck
It’s easy to feel stuck when your spouse isn’t “on board” with growth. You long for things to improve, but waiting for change to come from the outside often deepens the ache inside.
In my own journey—and in the lives of many individuals I’ve walked with—I’ve seen what happens when you shift the focus inward, asking not “Why won’t they change?” but “What is God inviting me to notice, heal, or surrender in myself?”
That’s where real freedom begins. Not from blame or pressure, but from clarity and courage.
What Taking the First Step Looks Like
Taking the first step isn’t about doing everything. It’s about saying yes to a different kind of work—the interior work that invites healing and grace.
It might look like:
Choosing to become the most honest and integrated version of yourself—not to “fix” the marriage, but to respond faithfully to the person God is forming you to be
Seeking mentorship or support when your own strength is running low
Bringing your interior life into prayer, asking the Holy Spirit to illuminate what’s been hidden or hurting
Listening gently to the parts of you that have been protecting you for years
Schwartz describes how wounded “exiled” parts of us often drive our reactions in marriage. They get activated when we feel rejected, unseen, or overwhelmed. If we don’t unblend from these parts—if we don’t learn to lead from our grounded, God-given Self—they end up running the show.
What Happens When We Don’t Unblend
When we stay blended with wounded parts, Schwartz says we often turn to “projects” that seem protective, but actually pull us further from intimacy.
We might:
Try to fix or pressure our spouse
Try to become who we think they want
Check out emotionally or walk away internally
Left unhealed, this can lead to the very things we never wanted—addiction, overworking, affairs, or living like roommates instead of companions.
Not because we’re bad or broken. But because pain left unprocessed will always find a way to protect itself.
The good news is this: There is another way. A slower, deeper, more faithful path.
Healing the Whole Person
As Bishop Robert Barron reminds us:
“Mental health is not just about psychology. It’s about an integrated vision of the human person. Faith and reason, spirituality and science must all work together for true healing.”
This integrated vision is the foundation of my mentorship. I’m certified by the CatholicPsych Institute, where we bring together psychological insight, spiritual formation, and Catholic anthropology—all deeply rooted in the dignity of the human person.
It’s not about compartmentalizing our faith and emotional life. It’s about honoring the whole person—body, mind, and soul—and walking toward healing with the God who made us for communion.
A Glimpse Into My Own Marriage
This isn’t just something I’ve studied. It’s something I’ve lived.
The more I’ve committed to becoming the woman God created me to be—through prayer, healing, and ongoing formation—the more I’ve been able to love my husband with freedom and peace.
When I’m grounded in Christ, led by the Spirit, and not reacting from fear, our marriage becomes stronger, more stable, and more tender.
I don’t have to carry it all. I just have to show up as someone who’s doing my work, so I can love well.
That’s the gift I’ve been called to bring.
Leading with Love, Not Control
Taking the first step doesn’t mean doing it all. It just means you go first—with grace instead of pressure, and love instead of fear.
You can:
Set boundaries with kindness and confidence
Stay steady when your spouse is struggling
Communicate from clarity, not emotional overload
Create space for peace, even in an imperfect season
This is how real change begins. Not by demanding your spouse transform, but by becoming a different kind of presence in the relationship.
If You’re Ready to Begin
If you’re longing for more peace, clarity, and connection in your marriage—and you’re willing to begin within—I’d be honored to walk with you.
My one-on-one mentorship integrates faith and psychology to support deep interior growth. It’s not therapy or spiritual direction. It’s a sacred space to explore your patterns, reconnect with your purpose, and begin healing what’s been unspoken.
You don’t have to wait for everything to be perfect. You can begin now.
